Talk me down why don't ya

Today has not been the best.

Rosie got me up at 5:30 a.m. That isn't the worst thing ever, except that last night's bedtime was fraught with anxiety re: the cat, the dog, the husband, etc. So I don't know if I fell asleep very peacefully. Hubby's flair for the dramatic can make my blood pressure rise, as when I say "what's going on down there?" he'll say something subtle like "all hell is breaking loose down here - the dog is trying to KILL the cat!" So yeah, not too relaxing for bedtime.

We haven't been getting along great these days. I don't know if we're resentful towards each other because of the dog, or if we're competitive with each other -- I tend to think it's a bit of both -- but we are fighting like the cat and the dog. Well maybe more silently and less physically. I don't know how to address it, I'm in a bit over my head. The tension does break, for example we don't seem to fight once we're at work and e-mailing each other, but at home it's just nasty a lot of the time. We're both frustrated, resentful, tired, feeling put out, and full-on taking it out on each other.

So this morning was the pits. Up at 5:30, out for a pee break (not for me, for the dog), then a cozy nap on the futon, which has become my favourite time of day since Rosie gets nice and snuggly on me. Then she wakes up, bites me for awhile and trots off, and has to pee again. Today, I put on my lined rubber boots and jacket over my housecoat and nightie, and went out. Which would be fine, except that I thought she had to poo so I brought her to the side, and she walked down too far and got wrapped around a tree. I let go of the leash to try to get her back that way, but the leash got tangled in the tree, which was in the deep deep snow and down a hill, on the edge of the forest. So I had to go in. I was walking on top of the snow just fine, then sunk in. Up to my knees. Half naked, bare legged, and really really pissed off. I did this a bunch of times. My feet and shins were raw and miserable. I was blowing blue smoke out of my ears, I'm sure, and swearing like a sailor.

Then hubby woke up, and shaved at a leisurely pace on the couch, which pissed me off more. I don't think he know exactly how rotten my morning had been up to that point. The dog was jumping all over the place so I left her with him and I took a shower. Put my bathrobe back on. Then hubby had a [waaay too long but that's another issue] shower but Rosie had to go BACK out meanwhile, so out I went again wearing hubby's boots this time, my housecoat, and jacket, but nothing under my housecoat. She went down the front yard to poo, and I followed. For some reason. And sunk in again. Le sigh.

Then we had chaos leaving, I ONCE AGAIN didn't have any time to do my hair or makeup, and so I look a tired wreck, and Rosie got frantic when I went upstairs to change, and so when I came back down she started jumping at me and biting me and nipping my legs and pulling on my sweater, and hubby just sort of stood there not knowing what to do, which sent me into a snarling rage. I was literally stunned into silence by the time I got into the car, I was so angry at the world. Rosie didn't want to go into her crate and was barking so loud we could hear it from the car.

Then I had a combative complainy meeting for two hours once I got to work. More sigh.

And to top it all off, it's frigging snowing. April 4. And it's yucky wet snow and makes everything dirty and messy and terrible. To quote the inestimable Liz Lemon "Augh, Everything's the worst."

Today is the kind of day where I need a start-over. It feels like nothing will ever get better. It feels like I will always be tired, the dog will always be misbehaving, we will always be fighting, winter will never go away, work will always stink and we will always be panicked and running late for everything. I hate it all.

So talk me down already. I think I need to go home and get dee-runk.