I am a person who hates the telephone. Back in the day, when I was a teenager, getting a phone call was a really exciting thing – an indicator of social importance, that someone was thinking of me, or someone needed me for something.
Nowadays, aside from phone calls from friends and family, I tend to avoid the telephone. I find it frustrating, like a sneak attack. At home, I let hubby get it. Telemarketers send me into a blind, seething rage. At work is much much worse. You never know what’s on the other end of the line, and if you’re like me and you don’t think quickly on your feet, it can be embarrassing and leave you feeling less-than-intelligent. I am an introvert, in case you didn’t know, and what that means (as I learned in a “Leadership Training Course” offered at work a few years back) is that I like to think for a bit before I speak up or answer any questions. I don’t pipe up in meetings a lot, and I don’t have quick retorts when I get into arguments. It’s not that I’m not thinking – often I will attend a meeting, think about things, and then discuss them with my supervisor one-on-one later on that day or something. I don’t like to be put into a position where I have to stammer an answer out immediately, just because someone decided to pick up the phone and demand it from me. I truly see it as an assault. I am the opposite of Blondie.
This is not to say that I am an unresponsive person. I am a great and warm-hearted lover of e-mail. Give me a keyboard over a headset anyday. With e-mail, I can read the message at my leisure – several times if that’s what it takes to absorb it all. Then, I can formulate a detailed response that is well-crafted, answers all the questions posed, and sounds halfway intelligent. I write very quickly, and it comes out sounding the way I sound to myself in my head. I can send links to appropriate forms, when necessary (try sending a link over the telephone). Most often, what I get in return is “well thank you so much for writing me back so quickly – that was very helpful”. So you see – it’s not my fault; it’s the medium. I see telephone calls as pointless. Do you really need to HEAR my nasal voice on the other end of the line, stammering and going “uh, wait a second while I find that information (paper shuffle paper shuffle paper shuffle) Oh! Here it is!”? It’s really not all that it’s cracked up to be. I am often congested (damn allergies) and so I sound a bit Minnie-Mouse-ish on the phone anyway; I sound like I’m six years old.
Also, as another blogger pointed out (can’t find the link): if any important information is relayed in a telephone call, you have to write it down anyway! Two steps, where one would suffice. Someone tells you their address on the phone? You’ll find an old receipt or something lying on the counter and scribble it down in a hurry, and probably forget to shove it in your pocket before you go, or if you’re like my hubby you might just mix up the address numbers and go to the wrong place (he’s kind of number-impaired. But still very, very intelligent - in case he's reading). If they send it to you in an email, and you are like me and don’t delete things quickly, you can log in anywhere and find it again whenever you’re stuck.
I admit that there are times when a phone call is a necessity. When you’re traveling and you need to know where to meet someone, you can call them and say “hey I’m at such-and-such spot – where should we meet?” or “I’m on my way”. But I like phone calls that last less than two minutes, in general. Any more than that and my ear gets sweaty and I get bored and start to fidget. Conversation devolves into “mmmhm. Uh huh. Wow.” My cellphone is never charged anyway – every time it rings I have an anxiety attack.
So if you need something from me, send me an email. If it’s cute, I’ll save it and come back to it often, read it, and smile. If you need information from me, this is the most effective way to get it, and to get it good. If you want surly, confused, bored and resentful - call me. *
* this in no way refers to close friends and family members, who can call me call me anytime.
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