Gennyland’s advice for new parents

When I was pregnant everyone had advice for me. Some of it was great, some of it was pretty commonly-held wisdom, and some of it was completely useless to me, and half of the battle remains figuring out what advice is pertinent to me and my family and my particular situation.

There are some things that everyone will tell you when you're expecting. "Sleep when they sleep!", "Don't worry about your messy house!" they will say, and all of that is well and good but I have more advice now that I've been through nine weeks of parenthood (and am therefore an expert, ha ha). Instead of verbally annoying everyone I know who is expecting, I am getting my yayas out by putting it in my blog. So here goes:

Get a swing or some other kind of hands-free device where you can put your baby down and get some things done. In my case, I have to pump breastmilk after every feeding, and because of the configuration of my pump rig, I unfortunately can't hold the baby at the same time. So she has a little rocking swing at my feet and she falls or stays asleep in there, so that when I'm done pumping I can go clean things up, get something to eat, etc. without her freaking out. If she's awake, she's usually content to look at our bookshelves or at me making faces at her.

Sleep when they sleep but by this I mean: don't put the baby to bed and then stay up watching Saturday Night Live. Because an hour after the show ends, as you've just drifted into a deep sleep, she might be awake and needing your full attention. I learned this the hard way, um, a few times.

Tummy naps are the best Putting baby chest to chest, propping your head up, tucking a small blanket over her back and under your sides (nice and taut) and then rubbing her back until you are both asleep is the nicest thing ever. Just keep your hands on the baby's back to ensure that A) she doesn't roll off and B) she's breathing ok. Make sure her face is unobstructed.

Don't buy too many 0-3 month onesies Especially if your baby is born at the tail end of summer and all of your onesies are summery with short sleeves. You will therefore need to have pants, cardigans, and socks to go with everything. As well, onesies are the go-to gift for nearly everyone, so technically you won't have to buy any at all. Buy sleepers instead – lots of sleepers. Although I guess you'd use a lot of onesies if your baby's born in, say, May. Ignore this advice if your baby was born in spring or you live in a hot climate.

Think two feedings ahead This is particularly important if you are a non-traditional breastfeeder such as myself. I don't rest easy unless I've got her two next meals (or the better part thereof) socked away in the fridge. Also, breast milk can stay out at room temperature for four hours, so it's not a bad idea to finish a feeding and take the next one out of the fridge so it warms up at least a bit. If you are breastfeeding in the traditional sense, it pays to think of where you will be, what you are wearing, and the time it might take to feed so you can plan your day accordingly. Like, don't plan on being at the opera wearing a turtleneck when feeding time approaches, that kind of thing.

Keep your house as tidy as you can because no matter what they say, if you are anything like me, if the baby is fussy and the dog is hyperactive AND there are dust/pet hair tumbleweeds rolling down the hall and fruit flies everywhere from the three overripe apples on the counter, it can send one over the edge. I require some external order to feel any internal order. Tidy when you have the chance or get someone else to do it for you.

Always burp the baby It's tempting to go "oh well she's finished eating, now I can go and get X, Y and Z done" but no sooner do you put her down on her wee play mat when
blaaap out comes the liquid gold you just finished getting into her and then there are tears (yours) and the motherly guilt starts ("how could you DO THIS TO ME?" – I'm kidding) and you feel like oh my god, did the last feeding even count? So burp the baby. It takes a bit of time and effort sometimes but it's very satisfying to hear that wee little belch, and then you are free to go do X, Y and Z. NOTE: if the baby's fast asleep when you finish feeding her, a belch may not be required. Don't rock the boat.

Fix up a station for yourself Perhaps it's more of a nest than a station, but I have a corner of Nora's room set up with a platform rocker (electric blue pleather and wood – I got it from an old nunnery and it was the best $60 I ever spent), her little swing chair, and a small table. In this corner I also have the following essential items: my laptop, my breast pump, the collection of cleaned bottle parts required for feedings, a stash of healthy snacks (a tin of nuts and dried fruit - wheee), paperwork and bills that need to be dealt with, a glass of water, a book for lists, a journal, a portable phone, and my agenda. It's like a little lactation office set up in the baby's room. It makes everything feel very official, and also very contained.

Ask for help Many people offer help before you have a baby – take it. I am fortunate that my mom lives about 3 minutes away, so she's at my place every day helping me with various things: taking the dog out to pee, tidying the living room, holding the baby so I can have a shower, and in the early days she even fed me. If people offer help, think of specific things they could help with and take them up on it. Don't be shy; everybody likes to feel needed.

Spring for the nice bras I bought a stretchy relatively-cheap (but still not exactly free) nursing bra at Thyme maternity and after one washing the elastic of the chest strap was shot. Nursing bras are not real glamorous by nature, but there are nice ones out there, and it pays to have some good support and not feel like a droopy sack of poop all day. Plus, you get milk on them and the milk gets crusty, so you'll need a bunch. Invest in three or four good nursing bras or nursing tank tops and keep them laundered.

That's all the preaching from me this go-around. Maybe sometime soon I'll write about something unrelated to my kid, but for now, this is pretty much all I've got going on.