Batting a Thousand

I had the weirdest, most injurious week last week. I was off, on my last bit of vacation of the summer, and the weather was absolutely gorgeous. One would think that all of that would add up to a great little holiday.

However, at the beginning of the week I was dealing with the effects of a strange medical thing. Somehow, I super-reacted to my low dose of Clomid, and developed many giant follicles/cysts on my ovaries, which led to visible bloating, pain and discomfort. Also I was thirsty and spin-heady. None of my clothes fit properly and I was grouchy, and also worried that any sexy time would lead to, like, quintuplets (ack!) so I was keeping my distance from hubby.

Monday and Tuesday, I was starting to ramp up the weirdness with a few crazy mis-haps. We were dog-sitting for my boss, whose 17-year-old terrier mutt came to live with us for the week. She was very sweet, a great houseguest. However, I guess we didn't hear her urgent little barks early Tuesday morning, because we woke up to little liquid and solid treats on our tile floor. No problem. With a sigh and some bleachy cleaner I rectified that as soon as I woke up. I believe she was apologetic, and I held no bad feelings.

But then as the week progressed I started doing really spazzy things. I went to make an espresso and didn't replace the espresso grounds, so ran it through with old grounds. Yuck.

I watered the garden with the sprinkler, left it on too long, and ran out of water for the rest of the day(we're on a well).

I stepped, barefoot, into one of the dog's little gifts in the long grass of our lawn. With my brother as witness. Har har.

My dad yanked a section of old chimney out of our concrete wall, and I was sitting on the ground and it fell squarely onto my leg. I now have a lovely large green bruise on my calf.

Then my mom came over and I made coffee, and forgot to pour the water into the coffee maker. The machine was not happy about that.

On Friday I was expecting my cousin's long-weekend visit, and was cleaning the bathroom. For some reason, I flushed a sock down the toilet. The toilet was not happy about that. I guess the sock probably isn't either, wherever it is.

I got a barn-board splinter inside my house, which is still greenish and festering in my arm, even after the minor surgery I performed to remove the largest piece.

On Saturday morning, as we were working on the siding, and right after I'd astutely proclaimed that stepping on a certain part of the deck was unsafe because of the way the boards had been replaced after a repair, I proceeded to step on that very spot and fall through the deck. Luckily I also fell backwards, so most of my body actually fell down a couple of stairs, and only my legs went through the deck. I thought for sure something was broken, but alas, only bruised and slightly scratched.

And then the coup de grâce - on Sunday we went boating on 31-mile Lake, north of our place, and as I went to spread gooey sunscreen on my arms I absent-mindedly pulled off my wedding rings. Stupid move. I tossed my engagement ring right overboard, off of a moving boat, into 100 feet of water. Gone. What a totally sick feeling. It wasn't enormously valuable in terms of money but had tremendous sentimental value to me, and I miss it a lot. I feel naked. I loved that ring, it was so me. Hopefully I can have a friend re-create it, thereby instilling the new one with its own meaning. (sniff)

Then we left my husband's glasses on my parents' boat, which stays up at the lake. Which is an hour away from our house.

Monday was a chilled-out day. Nothing went very wrong, except that my mom and I had to take 3 hours and a significant amount of gasoline to drive up and get the glasses (hubby could hardly see through his old ones), and almost didn't make it back in time for my boss to pick up her dog.

I tell you, I was almost happy to come back to work. Knock on wood, nothing has been overly weird since. My husband said "yeah I wasn't going to say anything but I wasn't so crazy about you driving last week." He was right to be worried; I was truly a danger unto myself.

We're getting ready for another weekend. Tomorrow is a beach day with a bunch of friends, and I am leaving my wedding ring at home and bringing band-aids.