Lucky Number Three

December 5th 2009 was the one-year anniversary of my dear Loki’s disappearance.

It was also the day that I found out that I am pregnant.

What a whirlwind. I’m only now able to talk about it, since I’m never sure who reads these things and I didn’t want work to know before everything was absolutely affirmative (i.e. nearish the end of the first trimester), but yeah, the third IUI worked. No need for the big nasty IVF.

I did a pee-on-a-stick test the morning of December 4th. You’d think I’d know better after four years but apparently old habits die hard, because I knew I was 13 or 14 days past ovulation, and I just happened to have a test kicking around. I groggily did the deed when I got up in the morning, before walking the dog and waking up hubby, and voilà – a faint pink line appeared for the first time in my life. My reaction was funny. I kind of went “huh, whaddya know” and went out to walk the dog. When hubby got up I said “hey check this out” and he was cautiously optimistic as well. Both sort of stunned, we went to work, I thought about it in moderation throughout the day, but was kind of in a daze. On the way home I went out and bought another test, a different high-quality brand.

The next morning (Saturday), I peed on it, and the line was darker. Glory be. Angels sang, and maybe there was a rainbow over my house or unicorns or something. My mom came over for coffee and could tell that I was mucho distracted, so I slapped the test down on the table between us (I had wiped all the pee off of it first, duh) and we were all a bit incredulous, teary-eyed, in disbelief.

Then Monday I was starting a week-long high-stakes meeting at work, but first, I had a blood test at the fertility clinic – a quick in and out. I got a call at lunchtime with good news: it was positive, the hcg levels were good, and I was set to come back Dec. 21st for an ultrasound and meeting with the doctor. Needless to say, it was tough to concentrate on the meeting for the rest of that afternoon – nay – that week.

We went to San Francisco in between. You can see why I wasn’t blown away by our trip, as I was sort of preoccupied, and was a bit tired and crabby and concerned throughout. Also I wasn’t able to drink which kind of sucked but really, I didn’t miss it. Flying made me nervous (nervous that my nervousness would affect things) but we got through it just fine.

December 21st we went in to the clinic, had an ultrasound, and saw the little bean and its nice, strong heartbeat. It was the size of a grain of rice – 3.7 mm. The doctor and ultrasound technician both said that we are ‘textbook,’ to enjoy my ‘good, strong pregnancy’ and to send him pictures after the big day. Doc then told me what not to eat and sent us packing – we graduated from the clinic, a day I had never really envisioned.

Christmas was a hoot. Again, it passed in a blur because I was so distracted, and on the 28th I started with the symptoms – feeling gross, super tired, and I couldn’t look at coffee. I had those for about 5 days, until I went back to work, and then they lessened a bit, which freaked me out completely. Word to the pregnant and wise: stay off the internet when you’re newly pregnant and paranoid by nature; my doctor calls it ‘googlitis’. I still am turned off of coffee, and am really into potatoes, oatmeal, rice, pita bread and other starchy things. Grapefruits are excellent, as are pomegranates, olives, pickles, and avocados. I drink tea in the mornings now, which is fine, and treat myself with yoghurt or milk chocolate – dark no longer appeals to me. I am tired a lot, and am having a hard time doing my job effectively. I have headaches, but I always had headaches so I can’t really tell if they’re pregnancy-related. Aside from these things I feel fine. Easy.

I read somewhere that some food aversions and nausea are caused by smells, because apparently pregnant ladies have an increased sense of smell. This doesn’t really apply to me, since my nose is always stuffy and I have a terrible sense of smell anyway, so perhaps it’s the reason for my lack of nausea so far.

By mid-January I needed to invest in some stretchy clothes with forgiving waistbands, because sitting all day in dress pants or pantyhose was killing me. It was kind of making me have indigestion. The pantyhose almost made me throw up and I had to cut a big slit down the front of them halfway through the day. I wore a lot of stretchy blousy things to work so for all of you who thought I was being kind of a slob, now you know why. If you were also wondering why I’ve adopted a bit of a waddle in the last couple of weeks, your questions have now been answered. Pregnancy seems to make my hip problem much much worse, so now when I get up from a seated position, I have to take a moment to adjust, and I limp a bit.

I have started planning what we’re going to do with the house. The t.v. will have to move to the living room (yuck) because the current t.v. room will be the kid’s room. For the first while, baby will live in our room upstairs, so I can get up in the middle of the night and not have to negotiate stairs. Guests are just going to have to put up with the nursery-like décor, because the guest room and baby room will be one and the same. Rosie’s going to have to learn some boundaries when it comes to toys and jumping on people, and she will perhaps have to be restrained by a seatbelt while riding in the back of the car.

Speaking of cars, we bought a truck, which will be my maternity-leave vehicle. It’s a 2001 Dodge Dakota king cab, so it has a full back seat (very comfy) and is nice and clean inside. Lots of room for baby and dog. It’s not too high and not too low, so I won’t have to lift the baby up or bend down to put it in the carseat; this truck is perfect for my height. I already have my eye on a nice red stroller/carseat combo, and have started to acquire gender-neutral baby gear as well. Friends have all been very generous so my baby-stuff Rubbermaid is filling up nicely. Pretty soon we’ll have to start moving furniture around and filling up dressers.

We spent so much of our time and energy thinking about conception that we never really allowed ourselves to consider it actually happening, and what comes next. It all feels very surreal.

Anyway, I am now sitting at just over 12 weeks pregnant. My boss knows and was amazing about it. My belly has started to pooch out a bit so soon everyone will guess. I heard the little watery bah-boom bah-boom bah-boom heartbeat last week, so everything is just clicking right along.

Phew.