384 Days

Well it’s finally here; I’m officially on maternity leave. I’ve been off for about a week and a half already – the first couple of days were sick leave, because I honestly couldn’t function at work on as little sleep as I have been getting, and last week was technically vacation time, so as not to eat into my two-week freebie time from work. Today is my first official day of mommy-hooky. It’s funny how easy it was to unplug. I think it’s because I haven’t really been plugged in for a while now, but the day I walked out of the office I never even really looked back or thought about it too hard. Sorry work, I’ve got bigger things on my plate.

So far it’s been a busy week and a half. I started out with not-so-lofty goals: day one, I was going to go and get a library card. That didn’t pan out. And each following day had a little goal in it, which was either met or exceeded. In the last week and a half I have: been up to the land three times and slept overnight twice, sorted the cupboard under the sink, baked pizza crusts and cookies, had a dinner party for Austrians (who ended up not making it until way after dinner, so it was a BBQ for my brother and his fiancée), built a support for my cucumbers, been shopping, been to the doctor, sorted out my books and separated some for donation to the aforementioned local library, done about 18 loads of laundry, read a book (The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett, a good epic read - I am preparing for the miniseries), started knitting myself a sweater, walked the dog a bunch of times, picked about 4 lbs of wild blackberries (with hubby), and taken about 1.5 naps per day.

I am feeling ok so far. Or rather, I was feeling ok until today, when I started to feel just a bit weird. I can’t describe it, I just feel weird. Super exhausted (easily explained, as I normally wake up at 4 a.m. with killer hip pain and can’t get back to sleep), and I think I have started to have some kind of weird contraction activity. Painless tightening of my tummy, which now feels off and on, as hubby put it, ‘like a turtle shell’. It doesn’t hurt yet so I’m not rushing to the hospital, but it’s a bit of a welcome distraction. I was beginning to think she was altogether too comfy in there.

A couple of weeks ago a wacky doctor thought I was measuring small for my dates, so they ordered a biophysical profile, which is a neat bonus late-term ultrasound where you get to see your baby completely developed. They measure the amniotic fluid, the size of the head and torso, the length of the femur, and a bunch of other stuff, and determine whether you are in fact still being a good hostess for the growing baby. It’s kind of scary – the ultrasound can see through the baby’s skin, so I saw her teeth under her gums – she looked like a scary skull face. I can’t tell you whether or not she’s cute (but she is, I’m pretty sure of it). The profile is scored out of 8, and my gal got an 8. Turns out she’s a decent size – probably over 7 lbs now, at 39 weeks 2 days. She can come out anytime, ‘cause I don’t need a baby bigger than that. When I went to the doctor last time she said I was well on my way dilation/effacement-wise, and that everything looks good for a regular ol’ vaginal birth, so I’m getting rather excited. I am also getting rather huge. This ball I have strapped to my stomach is becoming a load to bear. Where it was once cute, now it’s kind of absurd, as it sticks out at least six inches further than my boobs do. I’ve gained about 18-20 lbs so far, which pleases me as I haven’t been very careful in the last little bit. In fact I’ve been trying to eat lots of dairy fat (ice cream! Cheese!) to fatten up the baby and prepare for breastfeeding, so I hope it’s going to her ass and not mine.

Rosie and I have been spending lots of bonding time together. Today our shared objective was to nap. Neither of us wanted to walk in the heat, so we took a short jaunt down the road until she decided she’d had enough and turned around to come home. She’d been playing hard with her Austrian cousin Dakota for three days straight and I think she intends to sleep for the next three days straight because she’s sure wiped out. We snuggled in the back room, we snuggled in the living room, we snuggled up in the bedroom – we have a real love affair going on. It’s nice that she and I have this time alone together to be cozy, because who knows what will happen in the next few days and weeks. As I write this she’s doing her best impression of a bear skin rug on the living room floor.

So, 384 more days off. Not that I’m counting. My job for the next 384 days is to have a healthy baby, take care to keep her clean, fed, and loved, and to sort out what it means to be a mom. I still find it completely surreal. In case I don’t write again until after the little lady arrives, wish me luck.