Martha's List

So apparently Martha Stewart has decided on the list of 30 things that everyone must know.

I read this list and thought: this is a list of 30 things that every '50s housewife should know. And priviledged ones at that. Does everyone in the world need to know how to pop a champagne bottle? Eat a lobster? Arrange flowers? I'm sure there are people out there with better things to do with their time than learn these specialized skills, and can risk muddling through the opening of a champagne bottle if the situation arises.

In typical fashion, I decided the list was a load of hooey and came up with my own for my own amusement. A couple of the things on it are a nod to Martha, but mostly they're things that most north american humans should know, whether male or female. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Build a fire.
2. Grow something from seed.
3. Change a diaper.
4. Write a proper letter.
5. Basic first aid.
6. Make a perfect grilled cheese (Damn grilled cheese is good.)
7. Operate power tools.
8. Do laundry with shrinking or dyeing anything.
9. Clean a toilet.
10. Remove red wine stains.
11. Make soup stock.
12. Build something.
13. Budget money.
14. Record a tv program with a VCR.
15. Basic computer functions.
16. Tie some good basic knots.
17. Drive a standard.
18. Hem pants or a skirt.
19. Bake some kind of bread.
20. Mix an old-time cocktail (maybe this fits in the opening-a-champagne-bottle category but I don't care. I enjoy an Old-Fashioned myself.)
21. Iron a shirt.
22. Make banana bread.
23. Make tomato sauce.
24. Patch drywall.
25. Change the oil, fuses and sparkplugs of a car.
26. Remove porcupine quills from a dog's face.
27. Basic hair cuts (sideburns, bangs).
28. Speak a second language.
29. Make a good pot of coffee.
30. Clean the trap of a sink.

Now I'm not purporting to be able to do all of these things myself; in fact, that's the next part of my post - I scored pretty well on this list but I live in the country, where skills like building fires and removing porcupine quills come in handy. I only scored 25 out of 30 (for all of those interested in my deficiencies, I cannot do 5, 13, 14, 16 or 25 with any confidence) so even I am not perfect.

How do you score? Do you have any more skills to add to the list? If we get up to 100 I'll send them to Martha, I swear.